"The deepest need of the human soul is to be loved and to love."

The DARe (Dynamic Attachment Re-patterning experience) model, developed by Diane Poole Heller, PhD, is a comprehensive approach to healing attachment wounds and trauma. Grounded in the latest research in neuroscience, developmental psychology, and attachment theory, the DARe model offers a roadmap for individuals to cultivate secure attachment styles and create healthier relationships.

Pioneered by John Bowlby and expanded upon by Mary Ainsworth, research in psychology has identified four primary attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. These styles reflect unique patterns of relating to others, shaped by early experiences with caregivers. Additionally, within the DARe approach, attachment styles are better conceptualized as attachment adaptations. This perspective highlights the dynamic nature of attachment processes and acknowledges that individuals develop adaptive strategies based on their early relational experiences.

• Secure Attachment: Approximately 50-60% of the general population demonstrates a secure attachment style. Securely attached individuals feel comfortable with both intimacy and independence. They trust their caregivers and partners, have positive self-esteem, and are effective communicators in relationships.
• Anxious (ambivalent) Attachment: Anxious attachment style is prevalent in around 20% of the population. Individuals with this style crave closeness and fear abandonment. They may become preoccupied with their relationships, seek constant reassurance, and struggle with self-doubt.
• Avoidant (dismissive) Attachment: About 20% of people exhibit an avoidant attachment style. Avoidantly attached individuals prioritize independence and may struggle with intimacy. They may appear emotionally distant, avoid commitment, and have difficulty expressing their emotions openly.
• Disorganized (fearful avoidant) Attachment: Disorganized attachment occurs in approximately 5-10% of individuals. This style often arises from experiences of trauma or inconsistent caregiving. People with disorganized attachment may exhibit contradictory behaviors, struggle with emotional regulation, and have difficulty forming stable relationships.

It's important to note that attachment adaptations can vary depending on the context. For example, someone may be securely attached to their parents but exhibit anxious attachment tendencies with their romantic partner. Additionally, many individuals demonstrate a blend of various attachment styles, which can change over time or in different relationships. Understanding your attachment adaptations can provide valuable insights into your relational patterns and pave the way for personal growth and healthier connections with others.

Attachment theory underscores the profound significance of early relationships in shaping human development, drawing parallels between humans and kangaroos rather than horses. Unlike horses, who possess remarkable self-sufficiency shortly after birth, human infants are born utterly dependent on their caregivers for survival. This stark helplessness highlights the critical importance of the attachment bond formed between infants and their primary caregivers. Much like kangaroo joeys nestled within their mother's pouch, human babies seek safety, nurturance, and connection from their caregivers, laying the foundation for emotional security and healthy development. Understanding the nuances of attachment illuminates the vital role that nurturing relationships play in fostering resilience and well-being throughout the lifespan.

Shame is a complex and deeply ingrained emotion that encompasses feelings of embarrassment, unworthiness, and self-blame. While experiencing shame is a normal part of the human experience, it can manifest in both healthy and toxic forms. Healthy shame serves as a moral compass, guiding individuals towards constructive behavior and fostering empathy and accountability. It arises from a sense of interconnectedness with others and motivates individuals to uphold social norms and values. However, toxic shame is characterized by a pervasive sense of defectiveness and self-loathing. It arises from chronic experiences of invalidation, rejection, or abuse, leading individuals to internalize negative beliefs about themselves and their worthiness.

Early attachment relationships play a critical role in shaping how individuals experience and cope with shame. Secure attachment relationships provide a foundation of safety and acceptance, allowing individuals to develop a healthy sense of self-worth and resilience to shame. In contrast, insecure attachment relationships, marked by neglect, inconsistency, or emotional unavailability, can contribute to the development of toxic shame. The DARe model offers a holistic approach to treating shame by addressing its underlying attachment dynamics. 

While understanding one's attachment patterns is undeniably valuable, true healing and personal growth often require corrective experiences. These experiences delve deeper than mere understanding, reaching into the heart of attachment wounds to provide transformative opportunities for healing and growth. Here are some of the reasons why:

• Emotional Engagement: Corrective experiences actively engage individuals on an emotional level, allowing them to directly experience the feelings associated with secure attachment. For example, consistent emotional attunement from a therapist can provide the emotional validation and support needed to counteract past experiences of neglect or rejection.
• Neuroplasticity: The brain's capacity for neuroplasticity enables it to reorganize and form new neural connections. Corrective experiences, such as those facilitated by DARe, can literally rewire the brain, shifting individuals away from maladaptive attachment patterns and towards healthier ones.
• Empowerment: Corrective experiences empower individuals to challenge and reframe limiting beliefs about themselves and their relationships. Through experiences of validation, affirmation, and support, individuals can cultivate a sense of agency and self-efficacy in creating and maintaining healthy attachments.
• Integration: Corrective experiences facilitate the integration of fragmented aspects of the self. By engaging in relational encounters that offer consistency, understanding, and validation, individuals can integrate previously disowned or suppressed emotions and experiences, leading to a more cohesive sense of self.
• Relational Healing: Corrective experiences provide opportunities for relational healing, both within oneself and with others. For instance, experiencing loyalty and commitment in a supportive relationship can offer reparative qualities, restoring trust and fostering security in future interactions.

At the core of the DARe model is the recognition that early relational experiences profoundly shape our sense of self, our beliefs about relationships, and our emotional regulation. Through a combination of experiential exercises, somatic awareness techniques, and mindfulness practices, the DARe model aims to re-pattern dysfunctional attachment dynamics, heal unresolved trauma, and foster greater resilience and emotional well-being. 

Drawing from a variety of therapeutic modalities, including Somatic Experiencing®, Internal Family Systems, and Polyvagal Theory, the DARe model provides a holistic approach to healing that addresses the mind, body, and spirit.  Offering a powerful corrective experience, DARe delves into the intricate interplay between thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations, fostering profound self-awareness, self-compassion, and relational intimacy. 

Whether you're struggling with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, or unresolved trauma, the DARe model offers a transformative path towards healing and growth. Through compassionate and skillful guidance, individuals can learn to navigate their inner landscape with greater ease, cultivate more fulfilling relationships, and embrace life with renewed vitality and resilience.

If you're interested in exploring DARe further or would like to schedule a session, please don't hesitate to reach out. I am here to support you on your journey toward healing and well-being.

My Training and Credentials:

I am thrilled to share my extensive experience and expertise in attachment-focused therapy, particularly through Dynamic Attachment Re-patterning Experience (DARe). I have undergone comprehensive DARe trainings with renowned experts in the field, including Diane Poole Heller, PhD, the visionary behind the DARe approach, as well as esteemed DARe faculty members such as Alicen Halquist, MA, LPC, SEP, DARe. These immersive trainings have equipped me with advanced skills and insights into healing attachment wounds and promoting relational well-being. In addition to DARe, I have actively engaged in numerous other attachment-focused workshops and trainings, enriching my practice and ensuring that I offer the highest quality of care to my clients.​​

Suggested Readings: 

• Bradshaw, J. (2005). Healing the Shame that Binds You. HCI; Deerfield Beach, FL. 
• Brach, T. (2004). Radical Acceptance: Awakening the Love That Heals Fear and Shame. Bantam Books; New York, NY. 
• Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly. Avery; New York, NY. 
• Burgo, J. (2017). Building Self-Esteem: How Learning from Shame Helps Us Grow. New Rise Press; Worcester, MA.
• Frederickson, B. L (2013). Love 2.0: Creating Happiness and Health in Moments of Connection, New York, NY. Plume.
• Heller, D. P (2019). The Power of Attachment: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships. Sounds True Adult.
• Kaufman, G. (1993). Shame: The Power of Caring. Schenkman Books; Cambridge, MA.
• Middleton-Moz, J. (1990). Shame and Guilt: Masters of Disguise. HCI; Deerfield Beach, FL.
• Taylor, S. R. (2018). The Body is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love. Berrett-Koehler Publishers; Oakland, CA.

Suggested Videos: 

• Brené Brown: The Power of Vulnerability  
• Brené Brown: Listenting to Shame
• Peter Levine: How to Overcome Toxic Shame
• Sheila Rubin: Shame Clues

Podcasts: 

• Brené Brown: How to Apologize
• Brené Brown: Shame and Accountability
• Rick Hanson: Healing Shame with Compassion

To learn more about DARe or to find other DARe Practitioners in your area, please visit TraumaSolutions.com​​